Monday, December 26, 2005

News from the floor of my parents-in-law's living room

I have been a married man for days. That means a wife, a family, a house that needs shopping done for it and recycling that gets dragged to the curb each week.

I wonder if it will mean something deep and introspective when I stop noticing the ring on my finger. When it stops bumping against the middle knuckle of my pinky finger in a "remember me?" mini-motion every few minutes.

Even though I've only been married for a short time, I now know what people mean when they say that it gets better with age. We truly do get closer as time goes by.

Tomorrow I'm back at home, at my house, and still have a few more days off to enjoy it. Now all I have to do is treat it as a day off.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Another episode of Friday Afternoon Musings

I had a blog before, one I love for long time. However, this new one seems to be more searchable or smell better or something, because persons I haven`t spoken with since I was young and immature keep appearing. To those people, for me to get back to you, send me an email or somesuch. Anonymous comments are tough to track!

I saw a gentleman in the subway today and he had Down`s Syndrome and a beard. This is the first time I`ve seen the two together and it looked very distinguished.

I am not a large man, being only 5'8" and around 175lbs, but I`m not that little. People try to steal my armrest on the bus and it`s not nice. I may be small but I have a 14" drop so I need the armrest or I have to squish my shoulders across my chest and arrive home stiff and annoyed with you, you unkind armrest stealer.

I used to be good at writing these blogs. Though usually mundane the entries were usually witty and perhaps even clever. Now, the best I`ve got are lists.

I will be married in a week. I am not nervous at all. When I did theatre I wouldn`t be nervous during rehearsal, during memorization, during the run itself. I got a little nervous a day or two after we had struck the set. Maybe this will be similar, with Mark having a little breakdown just before the end of the year.

Last night I got to use a crowbar and remove a concrete slab and throw it around. I am so full of joy right now.

Both our front door and our back door have chimes on them, so to sneak in you`ll have to dig underneath the house or something.

This Christmas I will have the first real live (dying) Christmas tree since... parents, help me out here because I was probably a young`n.

I finally have a picture of my fiance at my desk and now all my coworkers have a chance to tell me how lovely (the females) and hot (the males) she is.

In two hours my weekend begins.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Simpson`s at work

Homer: I hate learning new things, they push other things out of my brain. Remember when I took that wine making course and forgot how to drive?

Marge: You didn't forget to drive, you were drunk!

Gotta love having a television by your desk.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

a new career in a new country?

In the Globe and Mail today:

In China, young toughs with few prospects for marriage or meaningful employment can find work at a respectable wage beating and intimidating lawyers, activists, journalists and ordinary citizens who challenge corrupt village leaders and wealthy business owners.

Problem is, I have a good prospect for marriage, being engaged and all. Regardless, anyone want to donate towards my plane ticket?

Monday, November 21, 2005

Weekend in the snow and shamed into action

I made it to my conference on Saturday, way up up in Owen Sound. It was a perfect day: no wind, snowball-making snow, about 60 other guys and we all became fortheday friends.

It was a good eye-opener, that little get together. See, I know that men are wussies, afraid to do what`s right, afraid to do anything sometimes.

I need to be a man. I`m becoming a husband, after all.

And yes, the conference was put on by a church and yes, I`m a Christian. If you call me a spiritual person I`ll finger jab you in the neck.

Keys to the house this Friday!

I miss my fiance. A lot. A lot lot. So much that I argue about the stupidist things while we talk on the phone. I just want to see her and it`s frustrating that she`s far away. Once we`re together again I think I`ll buy some leg shackles so she can`t get far. Wait! or I can just love her and know she wants to be with me. That should work just as well.

Friday, November 18, 2005

I`m too sexy for my voice

I don't know if I'm getting a cold or something, but my voice sounds so sexy on the phone today. Clients are offering to leave their husbands or wives and travel to midtown Toronto. I politely decline, then upgrade their accounts.

I thought I wouldn't be able to attend the conference this weekend, but my cousin came out of the woodwork and is offering me a ride, after finding me online. It's amazing, these blogs, when someone Googles your last name and tries the "Feeling Lucky" button. I used to try and help online businesses get their butts to the top of search results. It seems all I needed to do was get them a blogspot.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

fun with numbers

At noon today, the cute subway television told me that one in five teenagers have a mental disease.

Five minutes ago, an article in the Globe and Mail quoted community groups (what is that, anyway?) that determined one in five prisoners are mentally ill.

Assuming those two groups are distinct from one another, we could assume that throughout all of Canada, around one in five are suffering from some sort of mental problem.

I tend to disagree.

C`mon, 20% of Canadians have a mental disorder?

I want to forward a motion to parliament that any and all statistics must include a summation of how they actually calculated those numbers. For example, AIDS numbers in Africa are based on geographical grouping of persons that manifest three or more types of respiratory problems. Oh, you thought that every person in Africa had an AIDS test? Funny that we should all have assumed that, yesno?

In other news, hung out with an old friend last night. It's good to play catch-up, especially with someone that would bare her soul to a furry woodland creature let alone a pal. So now I have to figure out some excuses not to bring myself and my fiance to her house for dinner. I kid I kid!

My fiance is a machine. Yesterday, Shannon bought most of the stuff we still needed for the wedding, checked in with the church and restaurant, booked our hotel, bought a bridesmaid her dress, helped me get our wedding license... Amazing.

I was supposed to attend a retreat in the bush this weekend but it seems my ride has disappeared. Unless something magical happens I`m spending the weekend at home.

Okay, enough slacking. Back to work, you!