at_the_thornbush

News from the floor of my parents-in-law's living room

2005-12-26T23:45:00.000-08:00

I have been a married man for days. That means a wife, a family, a house that needs shopping done for it and recycling that gets dragged to the curb each week.

I wonder if it will mean something deep and introspective when I stop noticing the ring on my finger. When it stops bumping against the middle knuckle of my pinky finger in a "remember me?" mini-motion every few minutes.

Even though I've only been married for a short time, I now know what people mean when they say that it gets better with age. We truly do get closer as time goes by.

Tomorrow I'm back at home, at my house, and still have a few more days off to enjoy it. Now all I have to do is treat it as a day off.

Another episode of Friday Afternoon Musings

2005-12-09T15:20:00.000-08:00

I had a blog before, one I love for long time. However, this new one seems to be more searchable or smell better or something, because persons I haven`t spoken with since I was young and immature keep appearing. To those people, for me to get back to you, send me an email or somesuch. Anonymous comments are tough to track!

I saw a gentleman in the subway today and he had Down`s Syndrome and a beard. This is the first time I`ve seen the two together and it looked very distinguished.

I am not a large man, being only 5'8" and around 175lbs, but I`m not that little. People try to steal my armrest on the bus and it`s not nice. I may be small but I have a 14" drop so I need the armrest or I have to squish my shoulders across my chest and arrive home stiff and annoyed with you, you unkind armrest stealer.

I used to be good at writing these blogs. Though usually mundane the entries were usually witty and perhaps even clever. Now, the best I`ve got are lists.

I will be married in a week. I am not nervous at all. When I did theatre I wouldn`t be nervous during rehearsal, during memorization, during the run itself. I got a little nervous a day or two after we had struck the set. Maybe this will be similar, with Mark having a little breakdown just before the end of the year.

Last night I got to use a crowbar and remove a concrete slab and throw it around. I am so full of joy right now.

Both our front door and our back door have chimes on them, so to sneak in you`ll have to dig underneath the house or something.

This Christmas I will have the first real live (dying) Christmas tree since... parents, help me out here because I was probably a young`n.

I finally have a picture of my fiance at my desk and now all my coworkers have a chance to tell me how lovely (the females) and hot (the males) she is.

In two hours my weekend begins.

Simpson`s at work

2005-11-25T15:23:00.000-08:00

Homer: I hate learning new things, they push other things out of my brain. Remember when I took that wine making course and forgot how to drive?

Marge: You didn't forget to drive, you were drunk!

Gotta love having a television by your desk.

a new career in a new country?

2005-11-24T12:10:00.000-08:00

In the Globe and Mail today:

In China, young toughs with few prospects for marriage or meaningful employment can find work at a respectable wage beating and intimidating lawyers, activists, journalists and ordinary citizens who challenge corrupt village leaders and wealthy business owners.

Problem is, I have a good prospect for marriage, being engaged and all. Regardless, anyone want to donate towards my plane ticket?

Weekend in the snow and shamed into action

2005-11-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

I made it to my conference on Saturday, way up up in Owen Sound. It was a perfect day: no wind, snowball-making snow, about 60 other guys and we all became fortheday friends.

It was a good eye-opener, that little get together. See, I know that men are wussies, afraid to do what`s right, afraid to do anything sometimes.

I need to be a man. I`m becoming a husband, after all.

And yes, the conference was put on by a church and yes, I`m a Christian. If you call me a spiritual person I`ll finger jab you in the neck.

Keys to the house this Friday!

I miss my fiance. A lot. A lot lot. So much that I argue about the stupidist things while we talk on the phone. I just want to see her and it`s frustrating that she`s far away. Once we`re together again I think I`ll buy some leg shackles so she can`t get far. Wait! or I can just love her and know she wants to be with me. That should work just as well.

I`m too sexy for my voice

2005-11-18T14:30:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I'm getting a cold or something, but my voice sounds so sexy on the phone today. Clients are offering to leave their husbands or wives and travel to midtown Toronto. I politely decline, then upgrade their accounts.

I thought I wouldn't be able to attend the conference this weekend, but my cousin came out of the woodwork and is offering me a ride, after finding me online. It's amazing, these blogs, when someone Googles your last name and tries the "Feeling Lucky" button. I used to try and help online businesses get their butts to the top of search results. It seems all I needed to do was get them a blogspot.

fun with numbers

2005-11-17T10:47:00.000-08:00

At noon today, the cute subway television told me that one in five teenagers have a mental disease.

Five minutes ago, an article in the Globe and Mail quoted community groups (what is that, anyway?) that determined one in five prisoners are mentally ill.

Assuming those two groups are distinct from one another, we could assume that throughout all of Canada, around one in five are suffering from some sort of mental problem.

I tend to disagree.

C`mon, 20% of Canadians have a mental disorder?

I want to forward a motion to parliament that any and all statistics must include a summation of how they actually calculated those numbers. For example, AIDS numbers in Africa are based on geographical grouping of persons that manifest three or more types of respiratory problems. Oh, you thought that every person in Africa had an AIDS test? Funny that we should all have assumed that, yesno?

In other news, hung out with an old friend last night. It's good to play catch-up, especially with someone that would bare her soul to a furry woodland creature let alone a pal. So now I have to figure out some excuses not to bring myself and my fiance to her house for dinner. I kid I kid!

My fiance is a machine. Yesterday, Shannon bought most of the stuff we still needed for the wedding, checked in with the church and restaurant, booked our hotel, bought a bridesmaid her dress, helped me get our wedding license... Amazing.

I was supposed to attend a retreat in the bush this weekend but it seems my ride has disappeared. Unless something magical happens I`m spending the weekend at home.

Okay, enough slacking. Back to work, you!

Is it that time already?

2005-11-14T15:31:00.000-08:00

In two weeks, all the people that wanna come to the wedding SHOULD have mailed back their RSVP thingies. So far, four people are attending. According to wedding calculus, that means four nicely-wrapped toasters.

We move into the house in two weeks. Two weekends. Two... we move soon!

Late late on Friday night I`m going to be connecting with a bunch of guys from my church that I either barely know or haven`t spoken to since quarter past forever. We will all be at a camp in the middle of the woods, and I`m bringing a conch.

In two days my fiance is going to visit her parents for a few days and I miss her already. And I hate that, because I always accuse her of missing me before I even leave and here I go a-merrily, copying that particular quirk of hers.

The last few months have gone by incredibly fast. Then again, I`ve never held a steady office job and been engaged and moved to a different city and become a man and reconnect with a gaggle of friends and. Plenty has happened to me, plenty more to come, and it`s not even Christmas.

friday aft musings

2005-11-11T10:33:00.000-08:00

I am again, finally, in fighting mood again. No no, this is a good thing. I mean fighting with people that consent, not with general passersby (although...). I've been triangle-stepping at my desk all week.

First order of business at the new house? Fix the hole in the shed, then grade the area between us and the neighbours so we stay flood-free. To do that we will need to establish a preliminary relationship with said neighbours. I'm thinking of using the ancient standby of offering a bottle of beer over the fence.

Tomorrow, hair cut. Semi-significant hair cut. My mop has been longish forever it seems, and it's time to try something new. Don't worry, it will still be longer than yours, just less useful as a cleaning impliment.

Mikayla can't talk yet, but she can sing. Yes, seriously, she sings in the morning and she can carry a tune.

Diablo 2 came out with a new patch! Yeah, time-wasting computer games!

I have yet to meet any crazy or entertaining people on my daily commutes to work. Back in the day, whenever I hopped on a bus I could be guaranteed to meet a stripper, an alcoholic lawyer, a child telling her mother what to do, the sidestepping drooling man, or the nose whistler. The most excitement I had was last night when a guy sat beside the girl in front of me despite the numerous empty spots because he thought she was cute. Then she pulled out her cellphone and fake-called her boyfriend. I know it was fake-called because I could see the phone's screen reflected in the window and it just showed her list of phone numbers.

An old friend popped out of the woodwork recently and invited me to get drunk with her on the weekend or somesuch. Or was it to play board games? I'll pre-drink just in case.

I'll be married in about a month.

Have a great weekend, everyone

keep chugging along

2005-11-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

It seems Shannon and I have a house.

It`s not large and it`s not made of gold with silver trimming, but it`s got a great layout, a backyard and a deck, a front porch and a big old tree, with stores and parks within a stone`s throw.

The first chunk of invitations is now in the mail.

Mikayla can almost beat me at Tekken.

Everything is coming together, oh yeah.

who knew it took this much work?

2005-10-30T21:56:00.000-08:00

Wow, wedding stuff takes forever.

This weekend we finalized the restaurant and the church.

We found and bought wedding rings. They're perfect. The first jewellry shop we went to had rings we defined as "decent" and "a bit better than that other one." Then, at People's of all places, we found ones that are us.

I've been printing envelopes, invitations, and response cards all day. It takes forever when you're using this fancy-pants paper. No wonder it's so expensive to use a wedding planner -- at minimum wage, I just did $100 worth of work this evening on paperage alone. Meanwhile, Shannon is busily sewing Mikayla's dress, shawls for the bridesmaids, ties for the groomsmen... wow.

Sleep. Sleep would be good.

out of the woodwork

2005-10-28T17:56:00.000-07:00

Old friends are appearing, woohoo! Whether because I`m going to church again or aren`t as crazy or am just open to being open, I donno. But yet them come.

And it`s nice.

Oh, the wedding`s going to be small but the housewarming is going to be hugenormous and you`re all invited.

more proof of the end of the world

2005-10-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

A Ford plant in Michigan, in an effort to stop lost time, is asking that plant workers stay under the maximum daily allotted bathroom time. How long do you get to poo?

48 minutes a shift.

And they`re consistently taking longer.

As proof that labour unions are there to ensure proper relations between workers and management, their response is, "But is this causing a quality or productivity problem? No."

armageddon time, folks.

I get my news two days early

2005-10-25T14:02:00.000-07:00

I just realized today that I`m addicted to soundbyte style news. Mainly because it`s all interesting, most brings the funny, and I hear about watercoolerworthy tidbits two days earlier than anyone else.

The latest favourite not including G.W. or his ilk: Anne Rice is now a devout Christian. This is too rich. A generation of the gaunt and the pudgy will now have to accept that even vampire creators don`t believe in vampires. Are they going to rebel against the parental units by turning the other cheek?

I`m getting married in December. It`s fast and we`re poor and we don`t even own a couch, but it`s right. I`ve never been so at peace with something so enormous. Yay, life!

So soon I`ll be living in Hamilton. I used to live just outside the place as a kid and often used the art gallery (free admission!) as a place to read and just hang out by my lonesome. Interesting shops, many many many bars and Tim Hortons per capita, and close to several old friends that hopefully don`t hate me too much after my abscence.

I probably find out in a week whether I get the transfer to the offices in Hamilton, since I will be making the daily commute to Toronto otherwise. it`s a vertical move and I haven`t been working here very long but who knows, you know?

I wonder if Silver Snail is still downtown.

Stupid scientific method, limiting my rants!

2005-10-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

I read the Globe and Mail at work everyday and have been perusing the whole debate in the US of A about teaching intelligent design in schools. Interesting reading; not because of the facts but because of the arguments.

First off, my bias is towards intelligent design. I think lonely fools only would ignore the possibility of a creator, so there.

But the arguments, the arguments I enjoy. Everyone is holding everyone else to the scientific method, to scientific theory, to scientific scientification. And none knows of what they speak.

Okay, here it is, are you ready? A scientific theory or hypothesis must be... falsifiable. That is it, nothing else but examples apply.

example 1: My shoes keep panthers away. The proof is the severe lack of panthers in the area.
example 2: My shoes keep the ground from hurting my feet because the ground and the shoes are made of electrically-similar materials.

Example 1 is apart from the scientific method, because it cannot be disproven. By it`s very nature, it is impossible to prove that something`s impossible. Since example 2 can be disproven, the definition applies.

Back to intelligent design or eyes developing all on their own and still being functional (there`s that bias again). You cannot disprove a creator, because a creator would be outside of your field of observation. So regardless of your belief or disbelief system, talking about a creator is outside the scientific method.

SO STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

p.s. You can`t disprove macroevolution either, because it happen(s/ed) outside our field of range and experience. Maybe some day, but not today. So there.

Divorce of Heaven and Hell

2005-10-19T09:42:00.000-07:00

[The Marriage of Heaven and Hell] is based on the belief that reality never presents us with an absolutely unavoidable "either-or"; that, granted skill and patience and time enough, some way of embracing both alternatives can always be found; that mere development or adjustment or refinement will somehow turn evil into good without our being called on for a final and total refection of anything we should like to retain.

This belief I take to be a disastrous error. You cannot take all luggage with you on all journeys; on one journey even your right hand and your right eye may be among the things you have to leave behind. We are not living in a world where all roads are radii of a circle and where all, if follwed long enough, will therefore draw gradually nearer and finally meet at the centre. Rather in a world where every road, after a few miles, forks into two, and each of those into two again, and at each fork you must make a decision.

Even on the biological level life is not like a river but like a tree. It does not move towards unity but away from it and the creatures grow further apart as they increase in perfection. Good, as it ripens, becomes continually more different not only from evil but from other good.

Clive Staples Lewis
1946

how do you stop this nonsense

2005-10-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

I seem to be getting spam ecomments on my blog. How do you put a stop to this sort of thing? Anybody?

George Bush is right

2005-10-17T11:25:00.000-07:00

Here I am, making fun of George Bush and his administration and their irrational fear of international threats that don`t truly exist. But it turns out they`re right! Recently, "The Human Security Report" was compiled by former UN official Andrew Mack. Not sure who it was compiled for, but here are a few choice exerpts I`m sure Bushie knew already:

General conflicts -- down 40% since 1992

Conflicts with more than 100 deaths -- down 80% since 1992

People killed in battle in 1950 = 700,000
People killed in battle in 2002 = 20,000

People killed by international terrorists before 2001 -- 1000/year average
People killed by international terrorists in and after 2001 -- 1000/year average

I don`t have any numbers for people who die of starvation, easily preventable disease, or suicide. Guessing those numbers are a tad higher.

One of these days I`m going to invent a powder that makes skin bulletproof. And it`ll change the death rate by 0.0000001%.

Those people cheering for the fake war -- whichever fake war pushed forward by whatever country -- stop being dumbasses. Killing people in another country does not help your country and does not make you a patriot. It makes you a dumbass.

new stuff

2005-10-14T17:17:00.000-07:00

My brother and his girlfriend are visiting from B.C. so I get to see my little bro again.

With all the transit usage I`m getting in nowadays I`m slowly getting close to my former book-a-day habit.

I hate crosswords but discovered sudoku today. Love it. Numerical math crossword, sorta.

No gym for months, so help me keep track of 200 pushups a day, would ya?

For the first time in years all of my clothes are clean and folded and ironed. Never knew I owned so many office-appropriate shirts.

Mikayla is days away from walking. Go kid go.

Recently realized how crazy expensive rent is in Toronto. Looking through Hamilton rentals is like someone handing you four hundred bucks a month. And smiling.

There are not enough pretty people in Hamilton. Lotsa plain folk, and they travel in groups.

Formerly, every smoke was delicious, now I only enjoy every other one. The road to quitting, perhaps?

of ups and downs

2005-10-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we celebrated the life of my cousin, Nicholas. By "we" I mean hundreds of people: a catholic church was filled to almost capacity.

Eight almost-twenty-somethings pushed the casket to the front of the sanctuary as the priest explained the relation between the white sheet on the casket and the white sheet he was swaddled in at baptism.

Memories are a funny thing, especially when you become aware that no new memories can be created. Fathers remember a child, mothers remember poetry, ex-girlfriends remember someone they will forever regret letting go of.

Me, I remember my cousin. He could smoke me on the basketball court but I smoke back at the gym. He smiled at life in general and at every joke in specific. At only nineteen, he touched more lives than most of us will do by eighty. And his obliques were phenomenal.

And now life is going to be different. It`s going to be one person short. I don`t get to brag to him about making employee of the month, despite only working half the month. I don`t get to take him to the gym again and watch his long arms compete to my stubby ones. I don`t get to watch golf with him anymore, or make stupid jokes about stupid people. I don`t get to watch him visit his father to steal a shirt, swipe a meal and disappear.

I don`t really miss him right now, it feels like he`ll just pop in like he always does. Gimme a month. Gimme longer.

In Memorium: Nicholas VanderBoom

2005-10-02T16:41:00.000-07:00

Late last night, a tragic traffic accident took the life of my cousin, Nicholas VanderBoom.

He was nineteen. A phenomenal, natural athlete excelling in basketball and hockey -- few pucks got past his pads. Studying at York University and generally being an almost-adult.

More than that, he was a wonderful human being. Always laughing and giving a ready smile to friends, family, and general passers-by.

My uncle, his father, is crushed by this event: his son was a major part of his life and I don't know if he knows what he's going to do now.

I am currently living with said uncle but he really can't deal with having a 20-something in his house right now. So I'm probably going to commute from my parent's house, unless someone has a couch I can crash on for a couple of days.

Please pray for my uncle and the rest of my family as we deal with this insane loss. None of us really know what to do right now, since this is the first time any one of my relatives died young. And appreciate what you've got. I know I am.

Thanks.

some numbers for you

2005-09-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

As many of you that have read at least two posts on this blog know, I recently started a sales job with Bell Canada. Nothing to glamourous, I just sit at a phone and a computer and call people at home and at work and try to get them to say yes to stuff. Sort of like the lonely but pride-free guy on the dance floor asking each and every girlie for a grindgrind dance. Yeah, like that.

Last week I was told that my current stats were 325% of expectations. This Monday, I sold almost six times the regular amount of units for a day, which means I could technically sleep for the rest of the week and still smash quota.

Before I get accused of bragging, I just want y'all to know that I need desperately to find out everything I am good at, because I'm still proverbially growing up and figuring out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I found the woman, I've found most of myself, now I just need to find whether I should be wearing a tie or running shoes or an empty coffee cup to work.

My first accurate horoscope

2005-09-23T15:22:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of the Globe and Mail Review:

You want to move up in the world. You want to show the powers that be what you are capable of. All well and good, but don`t come on so strong that you frighten some people off and turn others against you.

Story of my life, that is.

humbleness and high noon

2005-09-14T20:48:00.000-07:00

First off, most humble apologies to those I've accused of being less than happy for me lately. My bad. Very unnice of me. Very sorry indeed.

To Captain Anonymous, I'd appreciate knowing why you have such negative things to say about my recent engagement. Stand up for yourself, yes?

Oh, and yes she said yes.

and there was much rejoicing

2005-09-11T21:27:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about this for a little while now, sitting on an overstuffed cushion on an old chair on a sibling's laptop with a wrist rest far too large and mouse-less. Late with digital clock kinda ticking, an early morning already nudging me reminding me that we'll meet soon and me no morning person. Bus through Hamilton and Toronto and find my way to work and new desk and whether second or sixth will be my floor today.

Much goings-on and busy and usually this is what my writing needs to write... good. No muse but dead and time lines and seventy times something on the other paths to my brain. Enough to allow me the words to express it or share it or even do it what justice is offered on page of paper or binary. So you'd think but see rather my crude blatherings and semi clever use of consonants. So I would concede and tell you plainly.

I asked her to be my wife.

Watching where the pieces fall

2005-09-04T23:46:00.000-07:00

Not having internet at home and being so poor that I cannot afford web cafes, I only seem to update my blog when I'm at my girlfriend's house. They're rural, so I'm rockin' dialup. Word. Really really slow word.

She lives in a small town, and I'm learning so much about how life works, at least for some people. You know how some people have some faults or some wunderments to their personalities that are completely obvious to their friends or anyone that has spent at least a moment with them, but these self same people are oblivious to these pros and cons? I have been the outside guy in many of those moments-->

I've seen the engaged guy whose greatest desire, truly, is to be hen-pecked and not have to worry about making decisions about anything ever again.

There's this woman who, if asked the "if you had a million dollars" question and answered honestly, would request that she be left to complain about her life at all times and have a recording of the last days gripe sessions played during her eating and sleeping times so none of her negativity go to waste.

I met a man whose wife left him, whose leg left him, and has more love in him than most of your favourite heroes.

Three boys seem to have adopted me as an older brother. It's because I can do thirty pullups. They're rambunctious types all under 13 years, who know that one of their parents is an amazing person and another is best left alone. And they're stronger for it, not preparing for headshrinking sessions.

I am blessed with a girlfriend that I can argue with and have no fear that these disagreements will be melted down into ammunition for future battles.

That's all in one day. And yet I have no better insight into what pluses and minuses make me annoying or bemusing to the casual passersby.

On Tuesday all of the information that Bell has crammed down my throat will be put into practice. First two days at work this week are putintopractice days and then we go live on Thursday. I really excited about getting started. About a third of our class has been canned because they couldn't keep up with the pace, and this week is where it gets interesting. This is where, if you're ready, they give you your nice desk and tell you to make them some money. Others could spend extra days or even weeks getting up to speed.

I don't want to be the best. I want to beat the best. Gimme that phone and let me show you what I can do for a company that's older than Canada.

Oh, and it's time to start hitting the gym again. My manboobs have almost vanished.

Of employment and the future tense and other potential ramblings on.

2005-08-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

Long time, no e-babble. Let's catch up, shall we?

Some know, some don't, I have a new job. I am now doing sales for Bell. Correction, I am now in training to do sales for Bell. It's just under three weeks of class time with online courses, instructor and tests almost every day. Then, just under a week of fake calls, monitoring, and finally getting to the task at hand. In other words, it is important to the company that I know what I am doing. And it's important to me to rake in as much cheddar as they're able to give to me.

I'm back to the office world. But this time I don't have to wear a tie. Especially on Fridays, since Bell employees seem to take Casual Friday very seriously. One group looked like they were going to start a pickup game of basketball there in the lobby. Several were doing their best impression of a Le Chateau catalogue. Good people, though.

My woman's parents just got an amazing job together and must now move to Stratford since the position starts on October first. Which means my girlfriend needs to figure out what to do with herself and her daughter. Move to Stratford? Move somewhere else or stay put?

Oh future, if only you spoke more plainly. A yes or no answer would be nice from time to time.

There's more, I'm sure but this should do for now. Besides, this computer is on dial-up so this entry probably won't be visible online until Hallowe'en.

word.

I don't write so good, so pics instead.

2005-08-05T22:16:00.000-07:00

In no particular order, these photos are a decent representation of myself, my girlfriend, and my girlfriend's baby daughter. We used actors for all the photos because, well, they're far better looking than we are.

As usual, it has been a time of upheaval for the Mark. As a relative predicted, the fitness business is not for me. At least, not in the format that was handed to me. Fun? yes. Nice people? usually. Pay well? A couple of days doing work for a friend looked like my monthly paycheque. And who doesn't love having all monies held back by two weeks, plus commissions held back a month plus a biweekly period depending on the last Thursday of that month and.... you get the picture.

I got to spend the last few days at the girlfriend's house out in the boonies. I've lived in Toronto for years and it is more than unusual to be surrounded by corn on the ground and stars in the sky. I think I'll miss those stars the most of all. I'm not a romantic in any sense of the word, but I want to always be able to look up and see those nice little dots. I can spot the North Star every time I look. I feel like Magellan (sp?)!

It seems that whenever my life is (going) in a good place than job thingies come my way. I have two great interviews on Monday, another on Wednesday, and a meeting with a casting agent on Thursday. And for those that have actually read my old posts and/or my old blog, you'll know about the search for the Honest Me. If anyone out there has ever lost 50 or more pounds, you'll know exactly how I feel. Everything, even walking is... just easier.

For those that pray, please pray for me and mine. For those that wish luck, same request. For the cynics and the atheists, just sit there and nurse your Stella Artois and talk about books you haven't read.

I have an announcement

2005-07-10T21:11:00.000-07:00

I have no idea who reads this blog o' mine but I assume at least a few of you know who I am. For those strangers out there, hey I have fun stuff to share!

For the last couple of days I have been in a couple again. Yes, I have a girlfriend. A beautiful woman whose eyes smile and can make sarcasm joyful and has a butt that just won't quit. She turns heads wherever she goes and if your head turns too much too fast then you and I will be having words.

An old friend of mine told me that I had to wait at least five months before I entered another serious relationship, since my ex and I were a couple for over two years. I was planning on following that advice, I really was. I wasn't looking for dates, I didn't hit the clubs and pick up an evening pal, I didn't superflirt with coworkers and members at my gym waiting for a chick to give me the updown. This came out of nowhere. But not.

I'll keep you posted, but for now I'll just have permasmile.

Decision Time

2005-06-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought everything was going well... don't you hate it when this stuff happens?

Tonight I am contemplating/meditating/thinking/praying about leaving my job. Currently I'm a fitness manager for Goodlife Fitness, which means that I'm da boss of the personal trainers and other people that work the floor at the gym. I started as a personal trainer and was really really good at it. I moved on up and, well, not so good.

It's frustrating beyond belief. I'm always good at stuff, even if I have to fake it before I make it. In fact, the faking part has always been one of my best traits. I would be able to ignore the bad, find the itty bitty bit of good, and continue on. Now, unfortunately, I am forced to be honest with myself. A new thing for me, oh yes.

See, a short time ago I was metaphorically kicked in the liver for a week or two. And while it firstly made me into a shadow of my former self it also had some good results. I have become an honest man. And while this is for all intents and purposes an excellent thing it also means that I have to be honest to myself. And I don't like what I'm doing right now. I'm not as good at it as I should be, I'm not making as much money as I was used to when doing business and internet stuff, making some fairweather friends but someone like me doesn't need someones like them.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my regional manager and I'm going to put everything on the table. My frustration with my lack of ability in my new position, apologies for letting my personal life affect my work, acknowledgement that maybe just maybe I should be doing something else with my time. He's been in this business for a long long time so should be able to assist.

Wish me luck, and maybe I'll use you as a personal reference.

Uncle Mark

2005-06-27T17:06:00.000-07:00

A close friend of mine has a five-month-old daughter. I am officially "Uncle Mark." As those that know anything about me can attest I am a very protective person. Anyone that does anything to hurt my lil' friend will live to regret it for all their days. I've never got to feel protective to a baby before -- I like it. I have a cute photo of the two of us having a nap. Once I figure out how to put photos on this blogspot thing I'll share it with you.

Yes yes, I should have figured out how to do that now. What can I say, I'm not as computer literate as I appear.

On a wise person's advice I'm going to be trying something new for the rest of this year. I'm going to allow people to know something about me. People who have seen me around for years know my name, my sarcasm, my knowledge of silly little things... and that's about it. If the experiment fails then come January I'll be a closed book again.

I came to a good and peaceful decision this weekend. Things that bother me are no longer going to affect the rest of my life. I'll be bother about (a), but (b) (c) and (d) will continue as normal. (a) is going to hang around for an indefinite amount of time, I'm sure, so this is my best bet. Either that or be the eternal grump, and I hate grumps. Rereading this blog, my love seems to be to commas instead.

a punch in the face, literal and mental

2005-06-21T10:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes punches in the face can be good. If they happen like they did last Friday, you learn that while going for a kimura lock to keep your chin down, especially when your sparring partner has much longer arms than you. Ow.

Sometimes punches in the face can be good. If they happen to be mental punches, made by myself, that finally wake me up. I've figured it out. It took me long enough! Depending on who you ask, it's been two months or two years or possibly even two decades in the making. But I've always been good with pain, so I can't be blamed if I didn't notice the bruise until now.

It's easier to be an honest man when you actually know what the answers are. I don't have them all, but I have the ones that matter. Yay for me.

The apartment hunt still continues. I've settled before, and hated myself for it. Either because I never should have been paying that much or it wasn't a great place. But I actually have mornings and early afternoons to myself now, so there is ample opportunity. I'm even considering having a roommate, so long as the place is large and the roommate is either friend material or impossibly hot.

Canada Day coming up! I would tell you what my plans are, but I have this friend, see, that is allergic to email. It either comes out like a continuous, week-long sneeze or nothing at all. So now I'm in the dry spell and am expecting a rushed phone call from the highway next Saturday morning. We shall see.

he's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be ready to fight

2005-06-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

Watched Cinderella Man last night. I read the script a year or so ago and must admit that it was better on paper than on film, but entertaining all the same. Besides, I have a love for boxing movies and for hero movies. Need the hero movies.

Don't know if the saying is true, "the world needs heroes." I just know that I need to be one. Gives me purpose, makes me want to continue. Yes yes, there are everyday heroes like the good parent and the honest lawyer and the clean-up politician but I yearn for more. I'm not wearing the spandex (cape, maybe) but to do something phenomenal and yet be unsung is important to me.

Unfortunately, this desire has gotten me in trouble several times. I almost killed a man that had forced himself on a friend of mine, I have lied about my needs and wishes to supposedly protect those close to me, I would not call friends on their bullshit for fear of doing more harm than good. Wish it was easier. Wish there was a burning building complete with trapped baby, or accident victims that needed to be pulled from a car just seconds before explosion. Even just be amazing at my job or looked at with nodding approval.

One more wedding this month and then that's it for the foreseeable future. Hopefully at the end of the month some Ottawa misfits will be in my area and we can eat some real sushi and dodge the Canada day tourists in the nation's capital. Just two weeks until I move into my own place again! Not that I've decided on a particular apartment, it's between a couple and any that I haven't heard of yet but would be just oh so perfect for me. Anyone want to lend me some money for first and last?

The unhitchable and other complexities

2005-06-13T18:04:00.000-07:00

This weekend saw yours truly in buttfuck nowhere. More accurately, in Tillsenburg. An old friend got married to a beautiful young woman that is definitely going to give him a run for his money. Running will be good, since in a month's time the two of them are going to Afganistan for about a year. I got them a gift certificate but perhaps I should have armed them.

It was the first totally-outside wedding ceremony I have ever attended. Very very nice. Despite the horrid heat, under the pavilion was more than bearable, the sound system surprisingly good, and the food delicious. Some gentlemen I haven't seen since college started a tradition a couple of years ago when they all started getting hitched, we shall call it "Trunk Beer." The concept is quite simple, you go to a wedding and ensure that there is beer in the trunk of your car. It must be Red Cap, because stubbies go well with weddings. To make this even more amusing, this is the first event where ice was added to the cooler. Oh, and of course, it was a dry park, which made the trunk beer taste that much more ambrosia-y.

I thought I had gotten away from these things when I stopped wearing a tie to work, but today I had a conference call. A two-and-a-half hour conference call, with my regional manager and all the other people in Ontario that share my position in the company. My goodness, what a mess. Five minute points take twenty minutes because someone needs something repeated, and a bunch didn't join us on the call. Including, oddly, the person I contacted earlier that day to ensure I had the time and phone number correct.

The best news from the call was I got the go-ahead to attempt corporate training. I approached Nestle Canada last week to create a stretching and personal safety program for their factory workers and they were more than pleased. I just needed head office to tell me how much I'm worth per hour. I am satisfied with their answer, oh yes. Next, I have to don the hat and earplugs and tour the factory to see what repititive jobs are most prevalent when you're making Turtles. Hopefully the third step is to start gouging Nestle for all they're worth, but patience patience.

Batman Begins is out soon. Not soon enough. Much. watch. the bat.

Bloody Knuckles and Hitched in the Park

2005-06-10T15:25:00.000-07:00

A coworker's tire got slashed a couple of hours ago. She just got those tires, brand new, yesterday. Allowing me to feel like a manly man she asked if I knew anything about cars. I don't, but I know how to change a frickin' tire. However, the bolt that secures the spare in the trunk was so rusted that it was about three millimetres thicker on the bottom than the top. So after cutting up my knuckles, bending the living shit out of the lug, and almost breaking a wrench (!) I got the tire out of there. The actual tire change took all of 10 minutes, removing the spare from the trunk took forty-five.

Tomorrow one of my old college buddies is getting married, in a huge park, in the middle of nowhere. Some little town starting with a "T" in between Woodstock and Stratford. If those directions make no sense, what the hell do I know? They asked everyone to bring presents and bocce ball sets. I've never seen someone in a wedding dress compete in a sack race so that should be rather interesting.

A coworker asked me if I had found a new girlfriend yet. It's been a very short time since I lost my last girlfriend, so I told her that I hadn't, because any girl I started dating would have to realize that our relationship would either be a) just a thing, nothing serious or b) she would definitely be a rebound. Of course, knowing nothing about women, a half hour later I realized that she was asking me to ask her out. Whoops! Then again, a) and b) would still be true, so I probably shouldn't do the coffee or dinner or movie or walk on the beach thing just yet. Maybe.

Tonight I'm going dancing, a definite necessity. Man, I haven't gone dancing for a long long while. I thought the folks I visited in Ottawa last week would cut a rug, but they're all band geeks so no luck there. Man, I have to do everything myself.

In other news, I might have found a fighting partner! His name is David, about 6'3", 265lbs and used to compete in MMA competitions in the USA. I call him Swayze because he's a Cooler for a club downtown. C'mon, you don't like "Roadhouse?" That movie's the shit!

"When I TELL you it's time to not be nice."

Chocolate Fitness

2005-06-08T13:15:00.000-07:00

An hour ago I got back from the Nestle plant. This is where the Turtles you give to your strange aunt come from. Anyhoo, they are interested in starting up a stretching/injury prevention program with me at the helm under the guise of my gym. I'll have to spend a few hours touring the plant to see what the folks do all day, devise a quick and semi-quick program, and figure out how much to charge them.

Oh, for those that don't know, I am doing this because I am a fitness manager, which means that I get to yell at all the personal trainers at a gym. Decent work, much better pay than my humble days as a... humble trainer, and I can wear track pants or a tuxedo to work depending on my mood.

I got into fitness because I was a wee chubby in high school and took to it quickly. My training partners have always been beasts, which forced medium-sized me to work that much harder. I gave up trying to look bumpy when I realized that it was much easier for me to become freakishly strong. My current training partner is a beefy 260 lbs and there isn't a single lift he can best me on. Good for the sensitive little ego, let me tell you.

I've been in a small (maybe large) confusion as of late. Last week I recommitted to myself, trying to actually accomplish something with the short time I have on this earth. Decisions are hard! I have no experience making decisions, I just let everything mess up rather than say yeah or nay!

Okay, time to go beat up some women now. On the gym equipment, everyone, relax. It's not like I would really, y'know, well gotta go.

To live where the seagulls poo

2005-06-07T20:40:00.000-07:00

What with working (alliteration!) two gyms my time can get stretched rather thin. Especially when I am now getting sick of not having my own place. The hunt begins!

I want to live in the Beaches. I like the area, the nightlife, the little shops that sell funky and useless things, all the magnificent cleavage. Plus, surprisingly, rent is not that hefty. I could sit on my stoop, sip a vodka tonic or the beer in my other hand, say hi to strangers and generally make a roguish ass of myself. Plus it's easy enough to get to work. A tip for any that may want to come visit, DO NOT take the streetcar. It is too damn slow. However, the drivers are hilarious. At the end of the line, instead of the usual grunt and nose-wipe-on-sleeve this guy said, "Attention ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. This is the end of the line. If you need a transfer, kindly come up to the front and it would be my pleasure to offer you one. Thank you for riding the Better Way, thank you for riding the TTC."

On Friday night my friend D and I are finally going out for a night on the town. She looks like a pornstar, has a pornstar name and dresses like a pornstar. Amazingly she is also one of the kindest, funniest, most with-it people I have ever met. We have both cancelled on each other three times now, and death to the one that pulls out this weekend.

The other part is she makes me feel like I've grown up. There is a definite attraction there. I don't shave my chest or have a thong tanline so I don't look like a pornstar to match, but we're both considered attractive I would wager. We've admitted the attraction and also the vulgar possibility of anything happening. Neither of us keeps close friends very well and don't plan on losing another one. Another plus is that hanging out with a woman that looks like her will raise my net worth in the eyes of other fine fine chickas.

Welcome to the Thornbush

2005-06-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

Wow, I have a new blog. I had/have a blog on xanga for several years and have grown tired with it. What is the difference between one blog and another? Excellent question my young friends. Well, xanga contains a lot of things that are no longer present or desired or true to my life any longer. As well, there was quite the eprop economy in xanga which I tired of before I even noticed it.

For those wondering, no it's not called At The Thornbush because I'm stocky and scrape your mouth when you try to eat me. My last name roughly translates to "near the thornbush" in English. Neat, huh?